Get wifed because every day you’ll wake up with not only your best friend next to you, but the father of your children and your most intimate lover.

You won’t even have to move because by the time you get up to have your morning pee he is already there with cupped hands ready to receive your fluids. Whenever you’re hungry, you eat whatever you want, breakfast in bed, breakfast at tiffany’s, or a nice candlelit dinner. You won’t even have to work. Your loving husband will work as hard as he can his entire life to get you to live the Queen life, poolside book readings/tan sessions with your friends or a nice workout at the gym with your loving husband. When the kids are asleep the moon will arise from it’s sunlit slumber into the daring dark of the naughty nighttime and will bring forth an orchestra of pleasures of which you’ve never felt before. Every naughty night for the rest of your relationship will be more intense than the last.

But that’s not even the best part. The best part is that after a day of everything you’d want, from food, to the queen life, and even after the pillow biting cave spelunking that your loving husband will perform on you, you will awake the next day only to find yourself in the same love pillow you got nutted on in and well rested enough to do it all again. And trust me, it will be your loving husband’s pleasure to oblige your every desire.